


How do you do, fellow kids?

by Seeking7



Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: But he firmly believes that he is both of those things, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Four and Time are tired dads, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Sky is not cool, Sky is not hip, Wind is a sneaky gremlin, YouthPastor!Sky, just bros being dudes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:02:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25178866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seeking7/pseuds/Seeking7
Summary: Out of all the Links, Sky had always been the most spiritual. Hymns seemed to be his second language, and, if one watched him long enough, they would notice that his hands were always semi-folded in prayer. It was no wonder, then, that Sky had been elated when Kapson asked him to be Tarrey Town's youth pastor for a night. However, as youth meetings are often wont to do, nothing goes as planned.A crack fic that comes complete with: Bolson!Sky, Sacreligious Time and Legend, Gremlin Wind, tone-deaf Warriors, Hyrule and Four getting lost, and the appearance of a certain Monk Maz Koshia.
Relationships: Bros Being Bros - Relationship, Four & Hyrule & Legend & Sky & Time & Twilight & Warriors & Wild & Wind (Linked Universe)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 75





	1. Youth Pastor Sky

**Author's Note:**

> My own youth pastor is the kindest, funniest, friendliest person in the world, but for the life of him he has no idea how to be cool or hip. Some of his mannerisms were strongly reminiscent (at least to me) of Sky, and I started to wonder what would happen if they shared a vocation. I brought this idea up with some other crazies on the Linked Universe Discord and after a long (and extremely cursed) conversation, I am proud to present to you: Youth Pastor Sky, the crack fic! This is my first attempt at writing something that's pure crack, so any suggestions or concrit you have is *chef's kiss*
> 
> Anyway, to the story!

Sky was a man of few words and even fewer convictions. He was content to let the winds of life, whether they be those of fate or those of cool, winter air, blow him in any direction they wished. There was no overarching goal in his life, not anymore, and that left him with the lazy, quiet smile of a man who no longer needed to toil to find happiness in the world. His pleasures were derived from watching the world grow through sleepy, half-lidded eyes, but he was not weak or listless. The hero's deep love of the universe and the hands that created it forbid that; he had simply taught himself to be content with the smallest things. Sky collected friends and memories and hopes and dreams as one would pretty stones: gathering them with vagrant, curious fingers and easily letting them go when the time called for it.

Perhaps it was his easygoing persona that made his passionate love for Hylia stand out in stark relief. It was easy for the other Links to chalk it up to simple infatuation - he had grown up and fallen in love with the goddesses' incarnation, after all. But there was something deeper in his piousness. His lungs were always swollen with hymns, his eyes sparkled with deep thankfulness, his lips would sporadically flutter in casual prayer.

He loved Hylia, and Hylia loved him.

For this exact reason, Wild was completely unsurprised when Hylia's Chosen Hero and Kapson the Zora priest became instant friends. Pious souls had a way of magnetizing to each other, and there was something sweet in the way Sky and Kapson would read holy texts side by side and spend hours thinking and chatting with Tarrey Town's goddess statue. None of the Links really understood it, Time and Legend especially, but all of them were content to see Sky's ever sleepy face light up when they were in Tarrey Town. No one wanted or even thought to put the Chosen Hero down, even though none of them would ever confess just how fond they'd become of this bright, alert version of Sky.

Every time the heros found themselves in Wild's Hyrule, they would always wind up, sooner or later, in Tarrey Town. Wild would always laugh and swipe a hand across his knees and declare that it was a hilarious coincidence ( _oh, how funny, how did we get here again?)_ but everyone knew he was doing it for Sky's sake. And that's why the heros had been "camping" in the small little town for the past three days. Less so camping, actually, and more casual freeloading off Rhondson and Hudson.

"Has anyone seen Sky?" Four wondered aloud. His hair was a shaggy mess atop his head and his eyes were still puffed and bleary from sleeping in too long. The other Links looked around the dining room with equally puffed and bleary eyes - Wind still looked like he was trying to wake up - and shrugged in response. Thick bars of sunlight poured through the windows and onto the floor, backlighting Rhondson's slim figure as she washed the multitude of dishes piling up in the sink.

"I believe he may be off with the pastor, again," the Gerudo spoke. "I heard them singing earlier this morning. They've got nice voices, those guys. Could lull a camp of Moblins to sleep."

"That's true," Legend mused as he sleepily smeared a wad of syrup on his plate with the back of his fork. "Sky sings pretty well for a guy with no training."

"Well, then, you've never heard _me_ sing," Warriors asserted, mouth stuffed with the breakfast pancakes Rhondson and Wild had cooked that morning.

"Let's hear it then," Twilight teased.

Warriors opened his mouth, the brown fluff of half-eaten pancakes visible through his teeth.

"Everybody cover your ears if you want to hear another day!" Legend exclaimed. Wind, Wild, and Twilight immediately complied, Hyrule and Four picked shyly at their breakfast, Time stared on with vague amusement, and Warriors turned scarlet. The windows shook with laughter, and even the lipsticked corner of Rhondson's mouth pricked up at the noise.

The easy, sleepy atmosphere made Sky's sudden arrival even more jarring. He threw the house doors open with a wide grin on his face and a mad glint in his eyes. Rhondson cringed as the doors slammed on the walls behind, cringing further when she saw Sky wearing nothing but a knee-length shirt.

"You went out like _that?_ " Warriors questioned incredulously. Pancake fluff came out of his mouth in little plumes.

"Guys, guys, it was an emergency," Sky panted, "Guess what Kapson told me?"

"That your outfit is a bit on the promiscuous side?" Rhondson questioned with a mischievous grin.

Sky didn't even blush. "No! He invited me to lead the youth meeting tonight!"

The Links stared at him blankly. They then turned to each other, searching for any hint as to why this proposition had gotten Sky so worked up, and found no answers. Their eyes settled back on the exuberant hero in the doorway.

"What's a youth meeting?" Hyrule questioned.

"It's when we gather the local kids together to worship Hylia! A few of the little squirts from Tarrey Town and the nearby stables are going to come over here. Usually Kapson leads them through some singing and the occasional story, but he said that my youthfulness and charm might be just the revival the meeting needs." The skin on Sky's knuckles had turned white from being pulled over tight, ebullient fists.

"When's the meeting gonna be?"

"Tonight," Rhondson spoke up suddenly, a wistful look on her face, "Kapson usually holds them about an hour before sunset. I don't know much about these religious things, I'll tell you, but I like the way Kapson talks. It's poetic. Makes you want to sit down and think about big, important things. Nice thing to listen to as the day ends." Rhondson wiped her sudsy hands on a kitchen rag and turned to face the group of sleepy men sitting around her dining table. "You'll do great, Mr. Sky. When I get back from work make sure to tell me if you need help with anything. I'm going to be gone for most of the morning - they're doing some refurbishing work down at the stable nearby and Hudson wanted my help. Do you boys think you can handle yourselves until then?"

The response she received wasn't as confident as she would have liked, but she let it slide. They might all be a little...unique, but she knew that each one of their hearts carried something golden and compassionate. It wasn't hard to trust them. With a smile and a wave, Rhondson pulled on her coat and left the house. Sky was left alone with his reincarnations and a whole host of very, very bad ideas.

"I'm gonna need your guys' help," Sky began.

"I need to go to the bathroom," Legend said suddenly.

"Yeah, me too," Time cooly asserted.

The two heros got up and walked off in opposite directions. Sky watched them go with a smile still on his face, enthusiasm undaunted.

"I've got an idea of what story to tell the kids, but I also need to prepare for the singing. Anybody wanna pitch in?" Sky asked.

"I can conduct!" Wind said with a splayed hand on his chest.

"Hmm, I don't know if we'll need a conductor. It's not like we have an orchestra," the half-naked hero in the doorway mused.

"Perhaps you should consider putting me in charge of the music," Warriors helpfully supplied. Wind gave Warriors an exasperated, side-long look.

"Do you know anything about music?"

"Well, I can play the ocarina," Warriors said.

"Hey, Sky, I heard that Wars can hold a pretty impressive soprano - maybe you should let him lead the choir." Legend teased. His voice came from somewhere underneath the floorboards. How he got there was a mystery none of the Links could figure out. Wild's eyebrows cinched: he was pretty sure there weren't any bathrooms below the house.

"Soprano?" Wind teased. "That's the same vocal range my sister sings in! Too bad she isn't here..."

Warriors rolled his eyes and sent a hard glare at the floorboards. "Well, I heard that a certain red-tuniced sassbag can play the cello, piano, harp, and pretty much every other instrument in existence." The captain looked back up at Sky with a wicked grin on his face. "I'm sure our local veteran would be more than happy to help you serenade the goddess, Sky."

An indignant snort sounded from underneath the floor.

"Time can play guitar," Hyrule muttered quietly, "He taught me some songs on it. I'm not good enough to play on it, not with an audience, at least, but maybe he would be a good pick. It sounds really pretty."

Sky's grin grew wider and he nodded. Sheets and plumes of dirty blond hair bobbed as he did so.

"So, we've got Time on the guitar, Legend on the cello - if we can find one - and Wars on the, uh, singing. Anyone else?" The prospective pastor asked.

"This isn't an instrument, exactly, but I have an idea that could make the singing flow smoother," Wild began. "Last time I visited Robbie at his lab he had just finished designing something called a 'projector' - he said it can magnify images and display them on a larger screen or something like that. If you know what songs you wanted the kids to sing, I could write the lyrics down in my Hylian and project them for all the kids to read from."

"Gosh, that's perfect! What a fantastic plan. Do you think you can go over to Robbie's later today?"

"I'm pretty sure I can, but I'd have to get moving now. I'm not sure the thing would fit in my slate, and it's going to be a pain to wheel the contraption up here when the sun gets hot." Wild scooted out of his chair and slipped his plate into the sink before tapping on his slate and disappearing in a stringy, tangled mess of Sheikah tech.

Sky, shins spotty and red from excitement and standing too long in the sun, took a seat at the dinner table. Only Twilight, Four, Wind, Hyrule and Warriors were left.

"Twi, Four, Hyrule, you guys interested? I don't want to force anything on you if you don't want to, but I'd be glad for any help I can get."

"I think Hyrule knows how to play the flute," Four said. He absent-mindedly brushed his fingers against his honey-covered plate, then proceeded to tuck a stray hair behind his ear.

"I do?"

"Yeah, I've seen it in your bag. It's like a recorder or something." The smithy's words were still focused on the conversation, but he was currently engrossed in trying to detach his hair from the sticky wad of honey he'd accidentally smeared on his cheek.

"Oh, you mean this," Hyrule said as he placed a small recorder on the kitchen table. Twilight took it up in his hands and Four peered curiously at the small engravings at the side.

"Do you know how to read music, Hyrule?" Wind asked. "If you can, I'll happily transpose the music into treble clef for you."

"I mean, well, the thing about that recorder is that-"

_**PHWEEP!** _

The recorder let out a shrill whistle as Four blew into it.

"Oh no, nonono, you're not supposed to play it-"

Four gave Hyrule a curious look before he promptly disappeared.

Hyrule took one look at the slack, confused faces around him before clearing his throat. "That was a, uh, a warp whistle. It warps people. It's not really an instrument. I'll go find him." Hyrule scooted backwards in his chair and stood up. "He shouldn't be far. I'll be back in a few minutes."

Twilight, Wind, Warriors and Sky silently watched him go.

"Sky, I don't know how helpful I could be in with the music stuff, but I'd be glad to watch the kids," Twilight suggested.

"That would be wonderful! Gosh, I really appreciate it."

"We appreciate your appreciation. But, if you're really that appreciative, put on a pair of pants. You're not Legend," Warriors teased.

"I heard that!" A voice up in the attic insisted. 

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

"The children are almost here, Are you ready, my friend?"

"You'd better believe I am, Kapson." Sky smiled as he surveyed the small town square. Wild had just finished setting up the projector and had propped it up the screen on the side of Kapson's house. Time was tuning his guitar and Legend was idly plucking the strings of a cello one of the townies had lent them. Both of them looked like they'd swallowed a canister of bugs and glared at Sky every time his back was turned. Warriors was going through some vocal warm ups (which Sky hoped really were just warm-ups, because if Warrior's real singing voice was...whatever he was hearing now...well...perhaps Legend's warning during breakfast might apply). A tarp had been set out in front of the makeshift stage - Twilight had astutely pointed out that the kids wouldn't take to sitting on wet grass very well. Four and Hyrule were still nowhere to be found. Wind was handing out some papers to Time and Legend - the sheet music he'd transcribed and transposed from Kapson's reference book, probably. As soon as the sailor had passed off the last paper to Legend, he sprinted off to Rhondson and Hudson's house as fast as his legs could carry him. The high-pitched titter of his laughter echoed in the evening air, and the sun's dying rays splashed over everything. Legend looked at the sheet blankly, if there was anything wrong with it, his face didn't betray the fact. The whole world seemed to be cast in gold, and burgundy clouds lay in ragged scraps along the darkening sky.

A deep, thrumming satisfaction welled up in Sky's throat. The chilly breeze pushed his long bangs out of his eyes, and he took in the scene with quiet, overjoyed patience. His lips muttered a string of silent doxologies.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to face the elderly Zora next to him. Kapson seemed to be just as happy as he was - no doubt they were both probably thinking the same things as they watched the little meeting put itself together - but there was a strained reservedness in his face.

"I am sorry to interrupt your musings," Kapson began, "but please do not tell me you intend to lead the youth with such an odd outfit on."

Sky looked down at himself. He was shirtless aside from a tight, navy-blue cut-off jacket with cheetah-print lining. A silken, pink pair of parachute pants billowed out from his waist and pooled at his ankles, and the itchy cloth of his bandana chafed against his forehead. His scalp hurt from the tight bun Bolson had scraped his hair into, but he reminded himself that fashion was pain and relevancy was the reward.

"Don't worry, Kap. Bolson told me that this style is all the rage with kids these days. He even taught me a little dance to help better connect with the young un's culture."

"Is that so?" the priest questioned thoughtfully. "Well, I must say that I don't know much about being cool. As long as it doesn't compromise the integrity of your message, then so be it. I'll be watching from inside my house. The cold air has been getting to my bones more and more often in these recent weeks."

"Alright, well, take care of yourself! I'll do you proud!" Sky called as the ancient, withered pastor walked off. The fur of his jacket chafed against the skin of his neck, but he ignored it. Behind him, the pattering of feet on soft dust grew closer and closer. He was about to turn around when he felt a small fist dig itself into his pants.

"Are you Mr. Bolson?" the girl questioned. A dome-like cap sat on her head and the dark hair stuffed underneath stuck out in stubby chunks. Sky blinked quickly and then smiled, getting down on one knee to get a closer look at her.

"Oh no, sweetie, my name is Sky. What's yours?"

The girl giggled and balanced herself on the balls of her feet. "I'm Gleema! My big sister dropped me off here for the youth meeting. Do you know where Mr. Kapson is hiding?"

"He's not hiding. He's just resting inside his house. I'll be leading the youth meeting today."

"You?" A high, gravelly voice questioned. "You don't look like a preacher to me."

Sky turned around once again, smiling as Gleema placed her hand in his, and widened his eyes at the sight of an insulted-looking Goron child.

"You're Pelison, aren't you? My goodness, Link has told me a lot about you. He says that you're a fantastic businessman"

"Really? He said that?" The hostility in the Goron's voice had faded off, having no footing or fodder after hearing Sky's kind words. "But are you really the preacher tonight? Kapson never dresses like that during the meeting."

"You better be nice to Mr. Sky, Pelison, or he'll make Hylia rain thunder down you you! Anyway, I think his clothes are cool and fashionable." a nasally, third-voice asserted. Sky already knew who the owner was - he'd run into the ever-petulant Hunnie multiple times, and the two had started to build an uneasy friendship over the past few days. She presently had her hair done up in two little braids (which Sky made sure to compliment) and had a new, silk dress on that she made sure all her companions were aware of.

"Is that all of you guys?" Sky asked.

"Yeah, it's always us three," Pelison grumbled. "What's all that stuff over there? And who are those guys? And where did that wolf come from?"

Sky followed Pelison's pointed finger over to the little nook where the Links had set up all the meeting's festivities. He proudly announced to the trio that 'those guys' were the musicians who would be playing tonight, 'that wolf' was Link's old pal who just wanted to hang out, and 'that stuff' was all the things they'd prepared for the meeting. The kids looked at Sky with wide, disbelieving eyes, stared at each other, and sprinted over to the tarp as fast as their stubby legs would carry then.

Hylia's Chosen Hero felt like his heart would burst from joy at any moment. He slowly made his way over to the kids, trying not to wince as the seams of his pants dug awkwardly into his crotch, and took a spot on the little stage. Legend pulled a cello string far from the bridge and let it twang loudly just as Sky opened his mouth.

"Legend! We're in the audience of the Goddess Hylia. Please behave," Sky hissed. Legend held his hands up innocently in front of him, and the kids giggled quietly. "Alright, my friends. We're going to begin. Would anyone like to start us out in prayer?"

"Oh-oh-oh! Me! Mr. Sky! Mr. Sky, I can do it!" Gleema's hand waved violently in the air, and she bounced so much in the grass Sky worried she might break a bone. Hunnie was pressing an assortment of kisses on the dome of Wolfie's head and was fighting with Pelison over who'd get to sit next to him. Wolfie seemed to be enjoying himself, but Sky was no master at reading the emotions of animals not of the avian persuasion.

"Go ahead, then, Gleema. I need everyone to close their eyes and bow their heads." Sky motioned for Gleema to start whenever she was ready.

"Dear Hylia...uh….thank you for everything, thank you for my sister, thank you for Mr. Sky. Hnnnngh...EWW! Hunnie, get that off of me! Eww! Eww! Mr. Sky, Mr. Sky! Hunnie just picked her nose and put the booger on my arm! Mr. Sky, tell her to stop!"

Legend pressed his hands to his mouth and plugged his nose with his forefingers. The held-in laughter turned his face a frightening scarlet, and even Time was blinking back mirthful tears. Wild snorted happily. Wolfie looked just about as exasperated as Sky, who was trying to calmly separate the two squabbling girls. It took a few minutes for everyone to settle down and for the meeting to continue as normal. The stressed pastor-in-training decided to take the prayer upon himself, and after he'd finished he signaled for Wild to start up the projector.

"We're going to start with some songs. Link is going to show them up on this projacktor you see here-"

"Projector," Wild corrected. The children tittered at Sky's misstep.

"Oh, yes, projector. You can read the lyrics off here if you don't know them yourself. Are you guys ready? We'll start with _What a Friend We Have in Hylia."_

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

"Whatcha fink, trafelers? Pretty good, huh?" The fisherman asked.

Four picked at the last pieces of his grilled fish off the bone with a happy sigh. Hyrule had eaten his fill long ago, the stomach protruding against the traveler's belt testified to that. It was the first time that Hyrule's abhorrent sense of direction had led them somewhere pleasant, and, besides, they couldn't be _that_ far from Tarrey Town.

"I'll say," Four said with a smile, "you Lurelian-ers really know how to cook seafood."

The fisherman smiled shyly and rubbed the back of his neck. Sea salt glistened on his forehead, and the fire illuminated the tips of his grey eyelashes. A cool, quiet breeze threaded its way around the trio and dissipated into the cool air.

"Where'd you guys come from, anyway?" The fisherman queried. "I don't mean to be rude or anyfing, but Lurlien doesn't get too many fisitors. Usually it's just people who get lost and wind up here on accident."

"We're from Tarrey Town. Just decided to take a walk," Four answered.

"Some walk! You guys musta been trafeling all day, huh? Tarrey Town is pretty far from 'ere."

"Is it?" Hyrule questioned. The traveler tried to ignore the burning stare of Four's eyes on the small of his back.

"Just a little bit," the fisherman said, growing uncomfortable with the hard look on Four's face. "If you guys need any food on the way back, my wife can make you some."

Four seriously considered the proposition but eventually shook his head. They were already full, and making their way back shouldn't take as long getting lost did. They knew where to go, anyway.

"Thank you, sir," Four began, "but I think we should be off. Our brothers are probably worried sick about us. We didn't tell them how far we were planning to go." The smithy placed an authoritative hand on Hyrule's shoulder and nearly picked the bloated traveler up off the log he sat on. The two extremely lost heroes made their way out of town, but not without waving goodbye to the numerous villagers they'd befriended over the past hours.

"Which way do we go now?" Hyrule asked.

"Hmm," Four surveyed the landscape in front of them, and pointed at a mountain to their north. "It seems like we were more or less going South, so maybe we should just backtrack in a straight line? After a while we'll probably bump into someone who knows the way." His eyebrows fell flat when he noticed that Hyrule had started walking off in the opposite direction.

"There's an island over there," the traveler pointed out.

"Yes, I know, but I don't think that's the way to Tarrey Town."

"Are you sure?"

"Well, of course I'm not a hundred percent sure, but can we please try and go this way first?"

"I'm just following my instincts."

"What instincts? Hyrule, you're the reason that we got to Lurelin in the first place!"

Hyrule rolled his eyes. He had sat down on the grass and was putting on a pair of odd-looking boots.

"Here, you can go that way," he began, "and I'll go this way. We'll eventually see who's right."

"Okay, whatever you say. See you in Tarrey Town. Hopefully."


	2. Popular Boys Four and Hyrule

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title inspired by a comment AKAFishy left on this chapter's livewrite.
> 
> ily fishy you silly bean <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, back with the second and final chapter! Hope you enjoy.

Hyrule loved walking on water.

He didn't get to do it often. Whoever had enchanted the boots he found in Maze Island Palace hadn't done a very good job, because the walking-on-water spell rarely worked. But there was always a time to hope, and that time was now. The traveler watched Four's silhouette disappear over the horizon before he turned to refasten the buckles on his water boots. This would have to work, or he would be stuck swimming his way to the island. Hyrule stepped tentatively out into the sea and grinned like an idiot when the water held under his weight.

"Tarrey Town, here I come!" Hyrule declared as he sprinted over the water's surface. His sword and shield clattered on his back as he went. The air glistened with the sea's salty spray, and the smell of lizard hung heavily in the air.

Wait.

The smell of lizard?

Hyrule stopped momentarily, feet perched on the high swell of a fresh wave, and turned around.

Four pairs of small, beady, reptilian eyes stared back.

Hyrule started running considerably faster. 

The lizalfos squealed and cackled behind him, cutting through the water and leaving clouds of mist in their wake, prodding the traveler's retreating back with their tongues and spears. Hyrule nearly tripped over a curious octorok that had made the mistake of peeking out over the waves, and he was forced to resolve to swinging his sword about as he made his way to the island. Undaunted, the quartet of lizalfos surged forward and skittered over the edge of the water with agility that would have put Wild to shame.

The distant shore started to come into view, draping itself in a shadowy coat as the sunlight faded from the sky. Hyrule scampered onto the sandy beach with labored breath and a thankful heart. He'd made it, barely, but he'd made it. Hopefully, he hadn't missed any of the youth meeting. There were a lot of bad things in the world, but a heartbroken Sky had to be somewhere near the top of that list. 

He cast a furtive glance behind him to ensure that the lizalfos hadn't followed him to shore, and heaved a sigh of relief. Yep, he was definitely alone. How strange, though, he didn't remember there being palm trees and a beach so close to Tarrey Town. A chilling thought trickled down his spine: maybe he had walked off in the wrong direction. He was starting to consider running back to the mainland when a booming voice locked his muscles in place.

"In the name of the Goddess Hylia..."

Oh no.

_Oh no._

Wild had once said the monks who operated his world's shrines always started off with the same platitude. 

It was then that Hyrule realized he had screwed up royally.

The voice coughed peevishly and started up again.

"In the name of the Goddess Hylia, I _will_ throw hands with whatever idiotic fisherman washed up here again. Can a monk not have a few hours to himself these days?"

Hyrule didn't know whether to be afraid or relieved.

"Cheer up, Monk Korgu Chideh," another voice suggested, "if the fisherman is really that bad, you can just banish him to the Dark World. And you're burning my s' more! Roast it a little slower, would you? It's not that hard!"

Hyrule had decided that being afraid was probably the better choice. His eyes flickered back to the sea, which had grown black and tumultuous after sunset and glistened off the lizalfos' rough hides. Trying to backtrack to the mainland at this hour was probably just as dangerous as staying here. The traveler's brows scrunched together as he tried to puzzle out what to do. He knew that the monks were, well, monks, and while he might have initially put violence past them, he didn't forget the chilling tall tale of Monk Maz Koshia that Wild loved to harass him with. Hyrule shivered, partially from the wet breeze and partially from the memory. 

On the other hand, however, the monks were loyal servants of the Goddess Hylia, as Wild had said they so often chanted. Hyrule cast a glance at the Triforce on his hand. What was the likelihood that they would believe his story? Close to none, no doubt. Perhaps it would just be better to wait until sunrise and keep out of the monks' way.

Hyrule sat down at the base of a palm tree and stared at the horizon. A humid breeze skipped over the shore and sunk into the traveler's bones. His eyelids started to slip. The sand was so warm, and the weather was so lovely, perhaps taking a short nap wouldn't hurt...

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

"What should we do with him?"

"I don't know! You're the one that brought him here, Agana, you figure it out!"

"That's _Monk Myahm_ Agana to you, mister."

"We've been retired for a year now. There isn't a point with playing this formalities game anymore."

"You know, I'm starting to think that the sleeping kid I found is going to be more fun to hang out with than you, _Chideh!"_

"Oh no…you didn't say my title in front of my name... I'm so offended, whatever will I do?"

The two bickering monks grew louder, oblivious to the exasperated expression of their third companion. The campfire flickered happily in front of them and cast an orange circle on the sand. The third monk stared sadly at the uneaten food -- particularly the banana s' mores -- around the firepit, then at the little brunet boy Agana had found sleeping on the shore. He sighed as he watched the boy's eyes shift underneath closed eyelids, clearly in response to some silent nightmare. The triforce emblazoned on his hands shimmered in the firelight.

" _What did you just call me?"_ Chideh squealed, poking an accusatory finger at Agana's boney torso.

"An overgrown octorok. Got a problem with that, island boy?"

"I'm _going to slap you so hard upside the head that your brain cells will turn into one of those goddess-forsaken gyroscope puzzles of yours!"_

"Okay, first of all, they're called apparatuses, and second--"

The brunet stirred in his sleep, and everyone fell silent. The two monks turned their attention to the third, who had taken a bite out of his s' more while mumbling about how this was the worst day of his retirement so far.

"So," Chideh began, turning to the third monk, "what do you think we should do with him?"

"You know who he is, right?" the other finally said.

"Of course!" the two other cried in unison.

"He's an intruder," Agana said.

"He's a mainlander," Chideh asserted.

The older monk pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. The two others continued guessing, their postulations growing wilder and wilder with each desperate attempt. Agana grew visibly irritated.

"I'm going to find out for myself," he said.

"Don't you dare wake him up," Chideh sputtered, only for Agana to prod the sleeping boy awake with a random palm leaf he'd found. The brunet blinked slowly as he took in his surroundings, propping himself up on his forearms and squinting at the sight in front of him.

"...this isn't Tarrey Town, is it..." the boy finally said, a mixture of disappointment and fear on his face.

The third monk held up a hand to silence the questions the two others were clearly itching to ask. He turned to the boy, the lower parts of his face set in a cross between a grimace and a smile.

"It's a pleasure to see you, Hero of Hyrule. I never thought I would be able to meet you."

"You know who I am?" the third monk nodded sincerely, and the two others followed suit.

"Of course we do. And we also know that you're very far from where you're supposed to be, so we're going to help you," the third monk said.

Hyrule watched in awe as the third monk snapped his fingers and, in a cloud of electric blue, brought a vaguely horse-shaped mechanism into being. The cyan smog cleared, peeling apart to reveal what looked to Hyrule like a cross between Epona and Wild's shiekah slate. Standing on two stick-like legs and wrapping his hands around the handles of the machine, the monk made a gesture that suggested the hero come over and check it out. 

Agana and Chideh sputtered in protest as the third monk explained to Hyrule how to use the machine.

"You can't just give a Master Cycle Zero to him!" Agana exclaimed.

The accused gave the pair a deadpan glare and turned to Hyrule. 

"Most of the time I don't just hand these out, but since I'm retired, I can do whatever the heck I want," the third monk explained. Agana and Chideh flushed petulantly and turned their attention back to the smoked bananas and s' mores sitting around the fire.

"Thank you! This is great! But how will I know where to go?" Hyrule asked as he took a seat on the Master Cycle. 

"Well, from what Hylia has told me, you're a little bit...directionally challenged. I added some upgrades to this one, such as an auto-navigation system and the ability to ride on water, so you shouldn't have to worry. Oh, and just for fun, I added a music player." The monk leaned over and pressed a small button between the handles, and a tinny melody began to play. 

_"We're no strangers to love, you know the rules, and s-OH do I!"_ The monk grooved along with the music, humming something about never giving up or deserting someone as he shuffle-stepped from side to side. Hyrule joined in, tossing his shoulders back and forth as he bounced around in the seat. 

"That's the kind of energy you'll need to properly wield the Master Cycle," the monk sagely stated, clearly happier over the fact that someone had enjoyed one of his classic tunes rather than simply shown some youthful energy. "Alright. Now show me what I just taught you to do. See if you can make it move."

Hyrule smiled brightly, still bopping along to the music, and nestled his feet on the Master Cycle's sides. He fiddled with the handles, giggling in delight as the machine lurched forward. After a few more minutes of explanation and careful tutelage under the third monk's watchful eyes, Hyrule was deemed Master Cycle worthy. 

The monks accompanied Hyrule to the island's shore and waved him off as he sped off over the waters, trying not to laugh as he less-than-accidentally ran over the heads of a quartet of lizalfos. 

"Those heroes are really something," the third monk replied. 

"Meh, I don't think so, Koshia," Agana replied. "Just because you fought one of them doesn't mean they're all that bright. The Hero of the Wild spent at least three hours trying to figure out how to solve the apparatus I put in my shrine. Hylia may have given them looks and charm, but there's a reason that the Princess has the Triforce of Wisdom." 

Monk Maz Koshia shrugged in response, chewing slowly on his s' more, and watched the stars sparkle in the sky. 

He needed a vacation from his vacation. 

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Four was in a bad mood. 

Four was in a very, very bad mood. 

The smithy stopped and snarled his way over hills and through gullies, cursing his sore legs, now-empty stomach, and infuriating companion. Why couldn't Hyrule have stayed with him? Why had he let the traveler wander off? Neither of them knew where to go, but they had gotten lost together, and maybe if they had stuck by each other's side, they could have made their way back together as well. 

If he'd split, the amount of cursing and bickering that would have been going on between the Colors would be unbelievable. And considering how frustrated and tired he was, it wasn't unlikely that he would accidentally do so in the next few minutes. 

"I need to sit down," Four told no one in particular. His eyes drifted to a broad-chested oak sitting atop a small hill, and he thanked Hylia aloud for her small act of pity. Taking a seat underneath the tree, Four continued to grumble as he watched the sky grow dark and thought about how _stupid_ he had been to refuse the fisherman's offer of a take-away meal. He was startled out of his thoughts when an unfamiliar sound burst in the distance. It almost sounded like singing...was someone carrying a working phonograph across the uninhabited fringes of Wild's Hyrule? 

**_"Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down…"_ **

The sound only grew louder as Four stood up and peered at the rapidly-approaching shadow in the distance. 

**"** **_Never gonna run around, and desert you…"_ **

Four certainly felt like running. He clambered up into the oak tree and stared as he slowly registered what the shadow was. He squinted. Had he caught a fever? Whatever he was seeing (which looked like a shirtless Hyrule riding on a mechanical horse) couldn't be true. The music grew to an almost ungodly volume as the, well, whatever it was, grew closer.

"Four!" a familiar voice cried out, "there you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!" 

He knew that smile, and he knew that voice even better. The smithy wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. He backflipped out of the tree and made his way over to Hyrule, who was indeed sitting shirtless on a mechanical horse while blasting unfamiliar music. 

"What happened here?" Four asked.

"Nothing much, just ran into some really cool old dudes that gave me this bike. Wanna hop on? We'll be back in Tarrey Town in no time."

Four nodded. 

"Sure, but only if I get to pick the music." 

"That's cool," Hyrule said as Four took a seat behind him. "What do you want to listen to?" 

"Can your bike play this song called 'Take on Me' for us?" 

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Sky had been incredibly excited to lead the Youth Meeting, but he had been most excited for the singing. It wasn't just because he found great comfort in music itself -- all it took to put him into a good mood were a few, lazy harp strums -- but there was something about hearing little children sing hymns that brightened his whole world.

However, there was nothing bright about Sky's current situation.

All he had wanted to do was get the kids to sing. Sing a song. Sing _one_ song. 

It had started with his suggestion for the first hymn.

"Are you guys ready? We'll start with _What a Friend We Have in Hylia,"_ Sky had said.

"I don't like that song," Hunnie huffed.

"We sing it every single time!" Pelison added.

Sky's face flushed red and his fingers fiddled idly with the faux-fur lining of his crop jacket. His eyes flickered over to Wild, who was still trying to find the song lyrics to display on the projector. Time and Legend were of no help either; the former had fallen asleep on his chair and the latter was impatiently drumming his fingers on the bridge of his cello. Warriors was still trying to figure out how to properly hold a middle C, Hyrule and Four were still missing, Wind had disappeared inside the house, and Wolfie was...well, Wolfie. The Skyloftian scratched his chin and fidgeted idly with the peach fuzz growing there.

"Well, we can sing this song, and then you guys can tell us your favorites and we can sing those too. How does that sound?" Sky suggested.

Pelison and Hunnie glared and crossed their arms. 

"That sounds like a great idea, Mr. Bolson!" Gleema exclaimed.

At least one of them was on his side.

"All right, do you hear that, guys?" Sky said a little louder than necessary, hoping his voice would be enough to wake up the presently-snoring Time. " _What a Friend We Have in Hylia,_ you have the music for that, right Legend? Right Time?" The Old Man's eye opened slowly and mistrustfully, and the two musicians nodded peevishly. "Warriors, you know how the song goes, right?" Sky sighed in relief when Warriors nodded. Wild gave a thumbs up in advance, as he finally found the lyrics and slipped them under the projector. The kids squealed in astonishment as the projector flickered to life, casting an image of the lyrics on the screen propped up against the side of Kapson's house.

"Ready, everyone?" Sky asked one last time.

Everyone responded in the affirmative.

And that's when it fell apart.

Warriors read the first word wrong and started all the kids off on the wrong stanza. Legend's cello and Time's guitar screeched disharmoniously, and not a single note they were playing lined up. A squirrel, intrigued by the yelling and shouting and offkey singing, scampered into the square and ran right under Wolfie's nose. The transfigured hero made a desperate attempt to keep his wits about him, tucking his ears back and burying his nose into his paws, but the squirrel seemed fixated on its own destruction. It darted back and forth, weaving its ways through the kids and over Wolfie's back. Legend and Time's cello and guitar playing grew even more discoordinate as the chaos reached its own crescendo.

Wolfie finally broke and let out a series of insistent, irritated barks. The squirrel stared back at him, unfazed, then sprinted off towards the projector Wild had precariously perched on a small tower of crates. Without a second thought, Wolfie took off as well, teeth bared and paws flying. The squirrel changed direction at the last minute, electing instead to dart towards the fountain in the middle of the town square instead of Wild's makeshift counter, and Wolfie could only brace himself before he crashed right into the crates. The projector flew, taking its lyrics with it, and landed in a crumpled heap right beside the statue of the Goddess Hylia.

Legend let out a triumphant "ah-HA!" as the chaos unfolded. Sky gave him a glare fit to kill.

"Is it _really_ that funny?" Sky hissed.

"What? No, I'm not talking about the projector. I know why Time and I sound so offkey." Legend shuffled the sheet music in front of him and held his hands out for Time's, presenting both in front of Sky's furious face. "These are transposed into different keys."

"What is that supposed to mean? I don't read music." Sky's voice was bitter and sharp in a way more reminiscent of the person talking to him than himself.

"That, Mr. Pastor, means that Wind deliberately screwed you over. My sheet music in E flat major, but Time's music was transposed to F sharp minor. And, even though I don't play guitar, I'm pretty sure that Wind tuned Time's guitar to G major. Also, you chose Warriors as vocal backup. It's no wonder that everything sounds terrible."

Sky stared at the sheet music in abject terror as the kids shrieked with laughter at Wolfie's antics and Wild lamented the broken projector.

"Could this _possibly_ get any worse?" Sky heard himself whisper.

**_”Taaaaaake, onnnnnn meeeeee…"_ **

"What's that, Mr. Bolson?" Gleema asked, pointing at a shadowy figure in the distance that appeared to be the source of the noise. 

"Hyrule? Four?" Wild cried incredulously, " _how did you get a Master Cycle?"_

The music only grew louder as Hyrule wheelied into the Town Square, the muscles of his shirtless chest glistening in the moonlight. Four flipped into a handstand and perched himself on the backseat, equally-shirtless chest drawing an uncouth amount of attention from the women milling about the square. 

That was when Sky knew he had officially relinquished the children's attention to Hyrule and Four. Gleema, Hunnie, and Pelison sprinted over to the Master Cycle, fawning over everything from Hyrule's six-pack to Four's frazzled hair to the horse-like machine they sat on. And it wasn't only the kids; Wolfie, Warriors, Wild, Time, and Legend had almost teleported over to their two-long-lost companions, bombarding them with legions upon legions of questions. 

Sky blinked quickly and crept away from the town square. His feet carried him to Rhondson's house, then up the stairs, then to the bed. He collapsed in a heap, staring listlessly out of the window. 

He had never felt so embarrassed in his entire life. 

He had never felt so _unwanted_ in his entire life. 

He'd failed the kids.

He'd failed Kapson.

He'd failed _Hylia._

Sky dug his fingers into his hair. The sounds of the other Links returning home echoed in the small house; Warriors' laughter, Hyrule's cheerful voice, Wind's giggling, Legend's retorts…

His tears fell fast and his heart grew bitter as he slowly drifted off to sleep. 

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Sky woke up with the first beams of sunlight shining in his eyes. He disentangled himself from the bed he'd collapsed on, staring at the strange clothes he wore until memories of last night came back. 

His face twisted angrily, and his eyes ached from the memory of yesterday's tears. 

He needed to talk to Hylia.

He needed to apologize. 

After he'd swapped out his youth pastor getup for his usual tunic and pants, Sky made his way outside and to the Goddess Statue. The sunlight was nothing more than a yellow smear on the horizon, and everything pointed towards Sky being the only person in Tarrey Town who was awake. 

He took a seat at the foot of the statue and clasped his hands experimentally. Words evaded him. Shame pricked at the back of his neck, and for a second, he wished he knew how to play the Song of Time and undo all of yesterday's mistakes. 

Sky opened his mouth to apologize to the goddess, but nothing came out. His gaze flitted up to the statue's gentle, granite smile, and fixated on the small scrap of paper nestled in her arms. 

What was that? 

It took him a minute to muster the energy he needed to get to his feet, but his curiosity only mounted when he took the small piece of paper into his hands. It was folded haphazardly down the middle, clearly a child's sincere but poorly executed attempt at making a card. Sky drew the letter closer to his face, and his heart melted on the spot. The words had been carefully transcribed into his Hylian, Four's work, without a doubt, but they were the words of a child. 

_Dear Mr. Bolson,_

_Thank you for being our youth pastor. You were lots of fun. I like your wolf and your friends. I hope you come again soon, and next time I want us to sing "Nayru Loves Me" because that's my favorite song. Also, Hunnie says that you're really handsome and Pelison wants you to tell him some more stories about Hylia because he said he likes your voice._

_Love,_

_Gleema_

_(Transcribed by Four)_

Sky grinned so hard his cheeks burned. 

Maybe this hadn't been a waste, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s a wrap! Hope you enjoyed, and please let me know if you have any questions and/or comments or have any criticism! I’m always glad to hear what you have to say. :D

**Author's Note:**

> One more chapter to go! Hope you enjoyed. Prepare yourselves for more lost Hyrule, Bolson!Sky, gremlin Wind, and tired dad Four in the next chapter, as well as the surprise guest appearance of a certain monk. ;D 
> 
> All comments are read and responded to, so if you've got thoughts/questions/suggestions/concrit, I'll be glad to hear it! Thank you for reading, and I sincerely hope that you enjoyed! If you want more of this kind of trashy meme stuff, feel free to shriek at me over at my tumblr (seekingseven.tumblr.com) where I hang my braincells to dry and occasionally post snippets of my upcoming fics as well as poorly edited memes!


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